Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2022 Film SPOILER FREE Film Review

 

Horror fans we are now officially living in the world of the requel and well there's another new horror movie out that bares the exact same name as the original. Now I will admit that I was cautiously optimistic about this film but there were some subtle red flags here and there like the fact that there was next to marketing in place for this film at all and the fact that the trailer for this film made it look like that the film makers just didn't understand the character of Leatherface at all and so then join me as I review the film that starts of yet another new timeline in this franchise with the film in question being called simply just "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" enjoy.

The plot of this film is some dumb characters go to Texas to help to restart of town and while there hey run afoul of Leatherface and have to try and kill him before he kills all of them. Now then in terms of what I personally thought / felt about the actual plot that's actually featured / presented to us in this very film well then in all honesty I in all honesty personally thought / felt that the actual plot that's actually featured / presented to us in this very film was in all honesty really freaking and super freaking generic as all heck in my freaking opinions anyways / at least.

Starring in this film is Sarah Yarkin as Melody , Elsie Fisher as Lila , Mark Burnham as Leatherface and Jacob Latimore as Dante. Also starring in this film is Moe Dunford as Richter , Alice Krige as Mrs. Mc , Jessica Allain as Catherine , Nell Hudson as Ruth , Sam Douglas as Herb , William Hope as Sheriff Hathaway , the returning John Larroquette as The Narrator of this film and finally we also have Olwen Fouéré as Sally Hardesty.

Now then in terms of what I personally thought / felt about the actual acting that's actually featured / presented to us in this very film well then in all honesty I in all honesty personally thought / felt that the actual acting that's actually featured / presented to us in this very film was in all honesty not that bad. Which considering how bad the rest of the film that is a huge step up altho some bad actors that are in this film tho in my freaking opinions anyways / at least.

So now then this film continues the trend that was started by Halloween 2018 by having a new installment of a classic horror slasher film franchise ignore the events of all of the sequels and use the exact same title as the first film. However where as Halloween 2018 did that idea so well since it was made by fans of that particular this one does that idea badly and it thus comes across as being made by people whom aren't fans of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre film franchise in my freaking opinions anyways / at leas.

Now then not really helping the film is the fact it really make no sense whatsoever for the character of Sally Hardesty to stay in the town where her brother and all of her friends where killed. As such I really do feel that the film could of or even more importantly should have come up with an even better way to get the character of Sally Hardesty back into freaking Texas in my freaking personal opinions anyways / at least.

So now then not really helping things is the fact that pretty all of this films main cast of characters are really unlikable people. Which I get it since that they may b the whole point of the film since the film does infact like to poke fun at the more modern culture however that doesn't mean that you have to make pretty much your entire cast of main characters really freaking unlikable people in my freaking opinions anyways / at least.

Now then it really does say something about this film when even Netflix themselves refuse to put that much effort into actually promoting the film. All in all there were two trailers and one poster and that was it and that's not enough to get people excited about seeing your film as such I really do feel that Netflix should have put alot more effort into actually promoting the film as in the end that would drive more people to create a Netflix account which always going to be a good thing for Netflix in my freaking opinions / at least.

So now then this film has / had an exact grand total running time of exactly one hour and twenty three minuets and four seconds. Which is in all honesty a bit of a mixed bag for me personally since this film at times feels both to short and at the exact same time to long of a running time which leads to portions of the film that just seem to drag on and on which for me at leas is not a good thing at all in my freaking opinions anyways / at least.

Now then since this film is a horror slasher film after all that means that I have to actually talk about the actual kills that are actually featured / presented to us in this very film I in all honesty personally thought / felt that the kills that are actually featured / presented to us in this very film were in all honesty the best part of the film. Simply because all of this films main cast of characters were super freaking unlikable and as such i couldn't for them to die and plus it really does help that there are some genuinely pretty freaking cool kills in this film as well in my freaking personal opinions anyways / at least. 

Overall while this film is still a bad film I can't in all honesty say that it's worse the 2017 Texas Chainsaw Massacre film which is called simply just Leatherface since that film at least tried to do something new and different in my freaking opinions anyways / at least. Now i've talked about all of the good and as well as all of the bad things that are in this very film in this very review and as such that means that this very film erns itself a grand old score of exactly a 4.5 out of 10 from me.

Now then as for where I personally got all of the images that I personally used in this very review well then boys and girls and as well as ladies and gentlemen I personally got all of the images that I personally used in this very review from the official The Texas Chainsaw Massacre fandom wiki page and Google Images. With my personally preferred website to use to get images from this film being Google Images simply because Google Images actually has images from this film up on Google Images and pus pretty much much all of the images that I personally found on Google Images were all fairly high quality and as well as being as fairly high definition and so then horror fans we ends this review as we always do with our ne and true goddess Elvira wishing us all some very unpleasant dreams. 

The Spine Of Night Film Review

 

Horror is a genre that takes many forms but oh so very rarely does it take the form of animation which is a shame because with animation you can do alot more in the world of horror. Well there now is a new horror film out that's fully animated and well it's well and truly really freaking something and so then join me as I review the film that quite clearly takes it's inspiration from the film Heavy Metal with the film in question being called simply just "The Spine Of Night" enjoy.

The plot of this film is a woman tells a man a story about how power and greed and corrupt even the most the best of people. Now then in terms of what I in all honesty personally thought / felt about the actual plot that's actually featured / presented to us in this very film well then in all honesty I in all honesty personally thought / felt that the actual plot that's actually featured / presented to us in this very film was in all honesty really freaking good yes this film is an anthology but it's main plotline is still very freaking well told in my freaking opinions anyways / at least.

Starring in this film is Richard E. Grant as The Guardian , Lucy Lawless as Tzod and Patton Oswalt as Lord Pyrantin. Also starring in this film is Betty Gabriel as Phae-Agura , Joe Manganiello as Mongrel , Jordan Douglas Smith as Ghal-Sur , Patrick Breen as Doa , Larry Fessenden as The Prophet Of Doom , Tom Lipinski as Falconhawk , Nina Lisandrello as Sparrowcrow , Abigail Savage as Kestelwren , Rob McClure as Gull and Maggie Lakis as Dae.

Now then in terms of what I personally thought / felt about the actual acting that's actually featured / presented to us in this very film well then in all honesty I in all honesty personally thought / felt that the actual acting that's actually featured / presented to us in this very film was in all honesty not that bad. Which is in all honesty a good thing as I was expecting this film to have some really bad acting in it and so then to see that this film actually has some good acting in it was in all honesty a really freaking good thing to behold in my freaking opinions anyways / at least.

Doing the animation for this film is an unknown company which is a shame given what i'm about to say about this films animation. Now then in terms of what I in all honesty thought / felt about the actual animation that's actually featured / presented to us in this very film well then in all honesty I in all honesty personally thought / felt that the actual animation that's actually featured / presented to us in this very film was in all honesty really freaking good like shockingly good which is a very good thing to be the case in my freaking opinions anyways / at least.

So now then while I was watching this film I was reminded of the film Heavy Metal simply because both of these film visually look very freaking similar. On top of that both of these films also are very mature and have a sort of rotoscoped look to there animation which is something that i'm glad animation companies are bringing back since it's a very unique and it gives your film a very freaking unique look to it in my freaking opinions anyways / at least.

Now then really deserve an R rating because this film is freaking gory as all heck and when I say gory I mean that when somebody gets there arm or there hand cut off chances are you'll see some kind of bone in thee body. As such I will that if you have a very weak stomach then don't watch this film because chances are that it will make you want to throw up and let's face it nobody wants that to happen in my freaking opinions anyways / at least.

So now then there are some faults to be found with this film chief among which is the fact there's not really alot of actual plot going on in this film. Which yeah I get that is kind of the point of an anthology film but even so this film does have a threw line which does connect all of the stories and that threw line doesn't really add much to the stories that are currently being told to us in this film in my freaking opinions anyways / at least.

Now then this film has / had an exact grand total running time of exactly one hour and thirty three minuets and forty eight seconds. Which is the other issue that I personally had with this film as this film does feel a bit long in the tooth with the film even dragging on a bit at several points in this film which is never a good thing at all and isn't something that any filmmaker should even want to be the freaking case in my freaking opinions anyways / at least.

So now then since this film is in fact a horror film that means that I have to actually talk about the actual horror aspect of this horror film and well then in all honesty I in all honesty personally thought / felt that the actual horror element of this actual horror film was so well done. With all of this films many freaking death scenes being so freaking cool and like I said before all of this films many freaking death scenes are also so freaking gory as freaking well in my freaking personal opinions anyways / at least.

Overall this film is such a good film to watch but at the same time it's also not a film that i'd recommend that anybody with a weak stomach to watch tho and plus like I said this film does also have it's very own fair freaking share of freaking faults as well in my freaking personal opinions anyways / at least. Now i've talked about all of the good things that are in this very film in this very review and that means that this very film erns itself a grand old score of exactly a 7.5 out of 10 from me.

Now then as for where I personally got all of the images that I personally used in this very review well then boys and girls and as well as ladies and gentlemen I personally got all of the images that I personally used in this very review from Wikipedia , the official Uncharted fandom wiki page and Google Images. With my personally preferred website to use to get images from this film being Google Images simply because Google Images actually has images from this film up on Google Images and pus pretty much much all of the images that I personally found on Google Images were all fairly high quality and as well as being as fairly high definition and so then horror fans we ends this review as we always do with our ne and true goddess Elvira wishing us all some very unpleasant dreams.

Girlfriend From Hell Film Review

 

Horror fans you've seen me review an awful lot of horror movies alot of which have been and alot of which have also been pretty freaking bad. Well todays horror review is sadly based upon that of a bad horror movie in fact this movie is so bad that i've actually considered cancelling this very review because of the fact that the movie was giving me to work with and so then join me as I review the film I just don't recommend anybody to watch with the film in question being called simply "Girlfriend From Hell" enjoy.

The plot of the movie is the devil somehow transports their soul I guess into that of a shy human female and so then it's up to a friend of the human females an i'm not kidding an angel that hunts down the devil to find and kill the devil once and for all. Now then in terms of what I personally thought about the actual plot that's actually featured / presented to us in this very film well then in all honesty I in all honesty personally thought / felt that the actual plot that's actually featured / presented to us in this very film was so freaking bad that it's actually freaking laughable how bad the plot of this actually freaking is in my freaking opinions anyways / at least.

Starring in this film is Dana Ashbrook as Chaser , Liane Alexandra Curtis as Maggie and Lezlie Deane as Diane. Also starring in this film is Anthony Barrile as Carl , James Daughton as Thomas J. Harper , Sarah Kaite Coughlan as Freda , Gerry Lively as God , Daphna Kastner as A Nun with Gun , Ken Abraham as Rocco , Hilary Morse as Alice , Brad Zutaut as Teddy , Jack West as Hershel and Kim North as Sister Beans.

Now then in terms of what I personally thought / felt about the actual acting that's actually featured / presented to us in this very film well then in all honesty I in all honesty personally thought / felt that the actual acting that's actually featured / presented to us in this very film was in all honesty really freaking bad. Like the acting in this film is laughably bad heck i've seen better acting in armature community plays then what was in in this film because the acting that we get in this film is that freaking bad in my freaking opinions anyways / at least.

So now then this movie / film could have mad for a really good episode of the TV show Mystery Science Theater 3000. Since this film just opens itself for jokes being made about it heck i'm in all honesty surprised that the crew that are currently over at Mystery Science Theater 3000 haven't covered this film as it would be absolutely perfect for them and for that freaking show in my freaking opinions anyways / at least.

Now then this film is so freaking strange since they have Satan travelling across space and possibly even time as a ball of light which yes they don't explain that one little bit of detail at all and secondly because of that this film becomes a science fiction horror comedy film for literally no freaking reason whatsoever. This is something that had me scratching my head because the devil knew that this devil hunter was coming after her (yes the devil is a female in this film I don't get it either) and yet she actively chooses to stay on earth which just goes along freaking way to help to making this film so freaking strange and very freaking bizarre in my freaking opinions anyways / at least.

So now then this film isn't even a film that's so bad it's good this film is just nothing more then a bad film. However tho to this films credit it knows that it's a bad film and it does just try to have some fun with the fact that it's a bad film however that doesn't excuse the fact that what you freaking making is a bad freaking film since you still need to be an actually good film to be intentionally funny in my freaking opinions anyways / at least.  

Now then since this film is an actual horror comedy that means that I have to talk the actual comedy that's actually featured / presented to us in this very film and well then in all honesty I in all honesty personally thought / felt that the actual comedy that's actually featured / presented to us in this very film was in all honesty not that bad. Since even tho there were alot of bad jokes in this film there also some quite funny jokes that are actually featured / presented to us in this very freaking film as well in my freaking opinions anyways / at least.

So now then this film has / had an exact grand total running time of exactly one hour and thirty two minuets and thirty six seconds. Which is the absolutely perfect running time for a film like this and given that this film really doesn't have enough there if anything at all to cover a very long running time I can in all honesty that this film running is the right amount of time for this film to last in my freaking opinions anyways / at least.

Now then this film is also a horror film which means that I have to talk about the actual horror that's actually featured / presented to us in this very film in all honesty I in all honesty personally thought / felt that the actual horror that's actually featured / presented to us in this very film was in all honesty really freaking bad. Simply because isn't that scary with the film makers putting alot more effort onto the comedy side of this horror comedy when the film makers should have been putting alot effort onto the actual horror part of this horror comedy in my freaking opinions anyways / at least.

Overall the only word that I can use to describe this film is bad because everything that's about this film is just straight up bad yes this film can be very unintentionally but that's make this film a good film it just makes a bad freaking film in my freaking opinions anyways / at least. Now i've talked about all of the good and as well as all of the bad things that are in this film in this very review and as such that means that this very film erns itself a grand old score of exactly a 4.5 out of 10 from me.

Now then as for where I personally got all of the images that I personally used in this very review well then boys and girls and as well as ladies and gentlemen I personally got all of the images that I personally used in this very review from Wikipedia , the official Texas Chainsaw Massacre fandom wiki page and Google Images. With my personally preferred website to use to get images from this film being Google Images simply because Google Images actually has images from this film up on Google Images and pus pretty much much all of the images that I personally found on Google Images were all fairly high quality and as well as being as fairly high definition and so then horror fans we ends this review as we always do with our ne and true goddess Elvira wishing us all some very unpleasant dreams. 

Jersey Shore Massacre Film Review

 

Horror fans sometimes you just really want to watch a really bad horror movie and well I was in one of those moods. Which meant I had to go out and find a really freaking bad horror movie which as luck would have it I did and well since I had to suffer through this trashtapiece of film i'm going to make you all suffer as well and so then join me as I review the film that should have been alot freaking funnier then what it actually ended up being with the film in question being called simply just "Jersey Shore Massacre" enjoy.

The plot of this film is a group of friends head to the beach for a weekend of fun and partying however all of that is put to astop when a serial killer starts killing them all of one by one. Now then in terms of what I in all honesty thought about the actual plot that's actually featured / presented to us in this very film well then in all honesty I in all honesty personally thought that the actual plot that's actually featured / presented to us in this very film was in all honesty really freaking bad just because it wasn't that imaginative or creative and was just straight freaking lame and bad in my freaking opinions anyways / at least.

Starring in this film is Danielle Dallacco , as Teresa , Angelica Boccella as Dina and Giovanni Roselli as Tony. Also starring in this film is Chris Lazzaro  as Freddy , Nicole Rutigliano as Joanne , Ashley Mitchell as Valerie , Christina Scaglione as Gigi , Brenton Duplessie as Vinnie , Brett Azar as Gino , John Michael Hastie as Joey , Frank Russo Jr. as Michael , Leonarda Jonie as Rosemarie , Shawn C. Phillips as Keith , Richard Christy as Junior , Sal Governale as Dominic , Ron Jeremy as Ronny , Bigfoot as Edgar and Alexis Ford as Alexa.

Now then in terms of what I personally thought / felt about the actual acting that's actually featured / presented to us in this very film well then in all honesty I in all honesty personally thought / felt that the actual acting that's actually featured / presented to us in this very film was really freaking bad. Which considering that pretty every actor and actresses that's appearing in / starring in that is really freaking something to say in my freaking opinions anyways / at least. 

Now then given this films title and the fact that one of this films executive producers is Jenni 'Jwoww' Farley. You'd have thought the makers of this film would have instead chosen to make this film a complete parody of the then hit MTV show Jersey Show but nope they didn't heck they don't even get a cameo from aby of the original Jersey Shore cast members which one there executive producers very easily could have done just by picking up her phone and making a phone call in my freaking opinions anyways / at least. 

So now you know that a film is bas when every single one of it's main cast of characters is extremely freaking unlikeable. I'm not kidding either since every single one of this films main cast of characters are just unlikable people which I get it might be the point the whole main joke of the film but you still need to have actual likable characters in your main cast of characters since those or the group of characters that we the audience are going to be spending alot of time with and yet when you make all of your main cast of a characters it's not even close to being a good thing at all what so freaking ever in my freaking opinions anyways / at least.

Now then not really helping things at all is the fact that the character of Freddy has this really freaking annoying laugh and a really punchable face. I don't know why the makers of this film chose to give Freddy this really annoying but it doesn't really help things when he bursts out said really annoying nearly five freaking minuets which only serves to make the character of Freddy even more freaking annoying that what he already is / was in my freaking opinions anyways / at least.

So now in what is a rather smart move the makers of this film chose to make this film a freaking horror freaking comedy. However tho the makers of this film chose to leave one very freaking important aspect of that horror comedy tag and that's the actual comedy aspect of this film since yeah there's nothing that's in this film that anybody that's over the are three would find to be freaking funny or even something that would slightly giggle or even chuckle at in my freaking personal opinions anyways / at least.

Now then this film has / had a grand old exact running time of exactly one hour and twenty seven minuets and fifty three seconds. Which yeah is the absolutely perfect running time for this film simply because it means that we don't have to put up with annoying characters with either annoying laughs or even annoying accents or sometimes even both for that freaking long which for this film is truly freaking blessing in the disguise in my freaking opinions anyways / at least.

So now then since this film is a horror film after all that means that I have to actually talk about the actual horror that's actually featured / presented to us in this film and well then in all honesty I in all honesty personally thought / felt that the actual horror that's actually featured / presented to us in this very film was the best part of this film. This is simply because all of this films main cast of characters are very freaking unlikable and so it felt really freaking to be seeing alot of them all die of in this film in what are some really freaking creative ways at least for this films freaking small budget in my freaking opinions anyways / at least. 

Overall to say that this film is a bad film would be an insult to actually bad films because this film is so freaking bad tht it deserves to be called it's own unique name because yeah that's how bad I thought that this film in my freaking opinions anyways / at least. Now i've talked about all of the good and as well as all of the bad things that are in this film in this very review and as such that means that this very freaking film erns itself a grand old score of exactly 1.5 out of 10 from me.

Now then as for where I personally got all of the images that I personally used in this very review well then boys and girls and as well as ladies and gentlemen I personally got all of the images that I personally used in this very review from the official Jersey Shore fandom wiki page , Wikipedia and Google Images. With my personally preferred website to use to get images from this film being Google Images simply because Google Images actually has images from this film up on Google Images and pus pretty much much all of the images that I personally found on Google Images were all fairly high quality and as well as being as fairly high definition and so then horror fans we ends this review as we always do with our ne and true goddess Elvira wishing us all some very unpleasant dreams.