Horror fans sometimes you just really want to watch a really bad horror movie and well I was in one of those moods. Which meant I had to go out and find a really freaking bad horror movie which as luck would have it I did and well since I had to suffer through this trashtapiece of film i'm going to make you all suffer as well and so then join me as I review the film that should have been alot freaking funnier then what it actually ended up being with the film in question being called simply just "Jersey Shore Massacre" enjoy.
The plot of this film is a group of friends head to the beach for a weekend of fun and partying however all of that is put to astop when a serial killer starts killing them all of one by one. Now then in terms of what I in all honesty thought about the actual plot that's actually featured / presented to us in this very film well then in all honesty I in all honesty personally thought that the actual plot that's actually featured / presented to us in this very film was in all honesty really freaking bad just because it wasn't that imaginative or creative and was just straight freaking lame and bad in my freaking opinions anyways / at least.
Starring in this film is Danielle Dallacco , as Teresa , Angelica Boccella as Dina and Giovanni Roselli as Tony. Also starring in this film is Chris Lazzaro as Freddy , Nicole Rutigliano as Joanne , Ashley Mitchell as Valerie , Christina Scaglione as Gigi , Brenton Duplessie as Vinnie , Brett Azar as Gino , John Michael Hastie as Joey , Frank Russo Jr. as Michael , Leonarda Jonie as Rosemarie , Shawn C. Phillips as Keith , Richard Christy as Junior , Sal Governale as Dominic , Ron Jeremy as Ronny , Bigfoot as Edgar and Alexis Ford as Alexa.
Now then in terms of what I personally thought / felt about the actual acting that's actually featured / presented to us in this very film well then in all honesty I in all honesty personally thought / felt that the actual acting that's actually featured / presented to us in this very film was really freaking bad. Which considering that pretty every actor and actresses that's appearing in / starring in that is really freaking something to say in my freaking opinions anyways / at least.
Now then given this films title and the fact that one of this films executive producers is Jenni 'Jwoww' Farley. You'd have thought the makers of this film would have instead chosen to make this film a complete parody of the then hit MTV show Jersey Show but nope they didn't heck they don't even get a cameo from aby of the original Jersey Shore cast members which one there executive producers very easily could have done just by picking up her phone and making a phone call in my freaking opinions anyways / at least.
So now you know that a film is bas when every single one of it's main cast of characters is extremely freaking unlikeable. I'm not kidding either since every single one of this films main cast of characters are just unlikable people which I get it might be the point the whole main joke of the film but you still need to have actual likable characters in your main cast of characters since those or the group of characters that we the audience are going to be spending alot of time with and yet when you make all of your main cast of a characters it's not even close to being a good thing at all what so freaking ever in my freaking opinions anyways / at least.
Now then not really helping things at all is the fact that the character of Freddy has this really freaking annoying laugh and a really punchable face. I don't know why the makers of this film chose to give Freddy this really annoying but it doesn't really help things when he bursts out said really annoying nearly five freaking minuets which only serves to make the character of Freddy even more freaking annoying that what he already is / was in my freaking opinions anyways / at least.
So now in what is a rather smart move the makers of this film chose to make this film a freaking horror freaking comedy. However tho the makers of this film chose to leave one very freaking important aspect of that horror comedy tag and that's the actual comedy aspect of this film since yeah there's nothing that's in this film that anybody that's over the are three would find to be freaking funny or even something that would slightly giggle or even chuckle at in my freaking personal opinions anyways / at least.
Now then this film has / had a grand old exact running time of exactly one hour and twenty seven minuets and fifty three seconds. Which yeah is the absolutely perfect running time for this film simply because it means that we don't have to put up with annoying characters with either annoying laughs or even annoying accents or sometimes even both for that freaking long which for this film is truly freaking blessing in the disguise in my freaking opinions anyways / at least.
So now then since this film is a horror film after all that means that I have to actually talk about the actual horror that's actually featured / presented to us in this film and well then in all honesty I in all honesty personally thought / felt that the actual horror that's actually featured / presented to us in this very film was the best part of this film. This is simply because all of this films main cast of characters are very freaking unlikable and so it felt really freaking to be seeing alot of them all die of in this film in what are some really freaking creative ways at least for this films freaking small budget in my freaking opinions anyways / at least.
Overall to say that this film is a bad film would be an insult to actually bad films because this film is so freaking bad tht it deserves to be called it's own unique name because yeah that's how bad I thought that this film in my freaking opinions anyways / at least. Now i've talked about all of the good and as well as all of the bad things that are in this film in this very review and as such that means that this very freaking film erns itself a grand old score of exactly 1.5 out of 10 from me.
Now then as for where I personally got all of the images that I personally used in this very review well then boys and girls and as well as ladies and gentlemen I personally got all of the images that I personally used in this very review from the official Jersey Shore fandom wiki page , Wikipedia and Google Images. With my personally preferred website to use to get images from this film being Google Images simply because Google Images actually has images from this film up on Google Images and pus pretty much much all of the images that I personally found on Google Images were all fairly high quality and as well as being as fairly high definition and so then horror fans we ends this review as we always do with our ne and true goddess Elvira wishing us all some very unpleasant dreams.
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