There are some movies where you just know by the title just how bad that it's going to be with this film being one of them. As all you have to do is just look at the films title as it straight away tells you that this is going to be a bad film and to be frank this film is really bad and not in a way that makes it good again but what do you expect when it's from the writer of Fairest Of Them All and so then join me as I review the film that makes Sharknado and the Slumber Party Massacre remake look good by comparison with the film in question being called simply just "Bikini Shark" enjoy.
The plot of this film is when a group of friends go away to help one of the friends clean up a house that there Grandad once stayed at they discovered a coursed set of bikini's that sets sharks on who ever is wearing them. Now then interms of what I personally thought / felt about the actual plot that's actually featured / presented to us in this very film well then in all honesty I in all honesty personally thought / felt that the actual plot that's actually featured / presented to us in this very film was in all honesty really bad with this films plot being laughable at best as to say that this films plot is stupid would be an insult to stupid plots as it's just so dumb which fair enough might be the point as this film is meant to be horror comedy but even those still need to have good plots in them with this films plot being really weak with it being so weak that it could be the plot to a TV show pilot and nothing would need to be changed with it being clear as day that there was no thought and no effort put into making this films plot good or even OK as everything in regards to the plot of this film just screams as something that you'd find on sale in a direct to DVD film heck if this was the plot to a Youtube fan film it would be pretty decent at best but it's not as it's made by writers who have written several other horror movies just this year alone and yet they all seem to never learn to make a good plot as this films plot is just so bad and so dull that it feels like something a first time writer would come up with with the plot of this film also being not really rather entertaining and nor is it really rather engaging either in my freaking opinions anyways / at least.
Starring in this film is Mouseboat Massacre and Popeye's Revenge star Kathi DeCouto as Esther and Alesia Lifantii as Tracey. Also starring in this film is Christian Ndonda as Danny , Amber Olivia as Beth , Jules Prudhon as Stephen , Piglet and Shoot My Heart, My Mafia Boss star Alina Varakuta as Ginger , Jessie Vinning as Jenna and The Leprechaun's Game and Rise Of The Mummy star Wiktoria Wabnyc as Kacey.
Now then interms of what I personally thought / felt about the actual acting that's actually featured / presented to us in this very fil well then in all honesty I in all honesty personally thought / felt that the actual acting that's actually featured / presented to us in this very film was in all honesty really bad. With this films lack of acting being on par with it's plot as it's just that bad with very few to none of this films actors turning in a good performance as alot of them are just so wooden and sound so robotic that it makes there scenes painful to watch with this being something that does make some form of sense as alot of this films actors are either unknown actors or have have mostly just worked as extra's and had no speaking lines before now and yet it's one of those actors that's this films best actor as actor Jessie Vinning even tho she's done work as an extra on shows like House Of The Dragon and falls like one of the more recent Mission Impossible films has never had a speaking part before now and yet she's the only one that's actually trying to turn in a good performance with the rest of this films actors just phoning in there performances but to be fair when the script is this bad it would be hard for anyone to turn in a good or even passable performance with the acting that's in this very film not really being helped by the fact that this films script is just so bad as it gives none of this films actors absolutely nothing to work with interms of what it is that there actual characters personalities are even meant to be in the first place which is something that really does hurt the overall quality of the acting that's in this very film.
Doing this films CGI is the little known studio but are still legends and are still really great that are currently over at Luma Pixels. Now then interms of what I personally thought / felt about thew actual CGI that's actually featured / presented to us in this very film well then in all honesty I in all honesty personally thought / felt that the actual CGI that's actually featured / presented to us in this very film was in all honesty not that bad for what would have been a really small budget as while yes no one will ever argue the fact that this films budget was tiny as are alot of these badly made British horror films are and because of that this film does have a really tiny effects budget which is something that does show alot of the time when we see people driving in a car for example you can tell that they were filmed against either a blue or green screen as the backgrounds look a little to fake and the actor facing away from the background has this weird line around them which just looked odd but to this films credit for what was a really small budget the titular sharks do look as good as they were ever going to look as while they do look like they belong in a Playstation 3 video game cutscene for this films budget that is pretty impressive and to the films credit the sharks are implemented well enough with the live action elements that they do come across as being passable effects with the only thing really holding them back is the fact that alot of the time we do see blood before the shark attacks someone when it should be coming at the same time and that's really it as while there is another issue inreguards to the films effects that's something that's going to be discussed later on in this review as it's part of a much more bigger issue with the film.
May god this film really does try to be like Sharknado even down to them having sharks attacking people on dry land. However tho that film at least tried to ground itself in some form of reality by having there be a massive flood first and then had the sharks being lifted into the town so it does become somewhat more believable when a shark does attack someone on land here tho they just straight up have the sharks swimming around on dry land for no reason when that wouldn't even be possible due to the fact that sharks NEED water to swim in look granted this film is meant to be a comedy and it's therefor not meant to be taken all that seriously which is fair enough but at the same time there still needs to be some form of believability to it as the title alone pretty much forces us to stretch or imagination pretty thin and now the makers of this film are adding in this one element that doesn't even make sense even tho it is a great way to build up suspense as it now means that are main characters who are all very poorly written even by the standards of Harry Boxley who yes did write this film it does go to show you that he really just relies more on the idea of people being attacked by sharks when there on land instead of going to the trouble to explain why the sharks are able to swim on land in the first place heck he doesn't even explain why the sharks are eating people that only wear this one companies set of Bikini's which is a key plot point to give Sharknado some credit at least they explained away all of there key plot points to the point where they became believable yes there still dumb as those are dumb movies but there more believable then what happens in this film.
This is really something that really shouldn't need to be said but continuity in films really is a big thing and it makes a film look even more bad when they just straight up ignore. Case in point in this film they have a girl make a phone call to her friend near what is presumably her car and when the friend does eventually pick up the phone she gets attacked by a shark which isn't a bad thing but the issue comes when the film then cuts back to the friend and she's now just a mere few feet away from the friend when they were no where near each other in just the previous scene. With the makers of the film not even bothering to get the actors to actually look at where the shark is going to be as when the shark is attacking Amber Olivia and Wiktoria Wabnyc's characters Amber is looking up when she should be looking more down now to her defense she most likely hasn't done an effects heavy movie like this one with the same thing also being true for this films director E J Marshall so they most likely had no clue on how to make that scene which is fair enough but at the same time tho there needed to be some level of quality control as in the scene in question it does look like that Wiktoria Wabnyc is looking where the shark is going to be but it's just Amber who is looking at something else entirely and it's small things like that that do ruin the illusion as it just reminds you that your watching a film when the makers of this film should have been working over time to make this film the best that they possibly could have done and yet they instead chose just phone in almost every aspect of the film and it really is something that does show through in the films final product.
The characters in this film are none the better either as the main character Beth is just a bland character with nothing interesting about her. With Kacey being pretty much a social media influencer type of character so yeah she's pretty annoying as well with the only two characters in the film that are somewhat like able are Esther and Jenna and that's really it and even then Esther doesn't really show up until near the end of the film with what makes both characters somewhat interesting and likable is the fact that Esther is the mother of the films killer and Jenna is actually doing research about him for a college course and is in an abusive relationship with Beth's boyfriend which she only just finds out is abusive during the course of this film when he tries and fails to have her and there unborn baby killed by the queen shark with both of the films main male characters being so forgettable that it's not even worth mentioning them by name with the only one that's somewhat more memorable being the character of Stephen as he's the abusive boyfriend character who gets eaten by the queen shark but just to give you an idea of how bland all of the characters are in this film the film doesn't have it's main killer listed on IMDB it has all of the hero characters but not the one that people might be somewhat interested in which is a shame as the killer for this film is one of the more memorable characters in the film alone with Stephen and yet his name and who played him in the film is nowhere to be found online and yet all of the films hero characters are for some reason which makes no sense as surely the point is to list all of the main characters in a film and not just a small handful of them.
Now then this film has / had an exact grand total running time of exactly one hour and fourteen minuets and seventeen seconds. Which is pretty much the exact running time that you'd expect a film like this one to have and to this films credit it really does have the right amount of plot there to really cover that amount of running time however tho this film really doesn't use it's running time all that wisely as the plot of the film isn't that well developed and can't be that well developed due to the fact that the film has a few scenes that have slow motion each of which last around TWENTY seconds each which in a longer film wouldn't seem like much but in a short film like this those seconds are things that could have been spent on developing the films plot and actually explaining things about the films plot with the films characters even suffering because of this as they get no character development what so ever with the film leaving the characters as bland and one dimensional when there should have been some time spent on adding quite literally anything to this films characters that help to make them seem more like fully formed characters but because of the fact that the film seems to be more focused on adding more pointless slow motion scenes then a typical Zack Snyder film it means that we are left with characters that are as bland as the characters from a typical Zack Snyder film with the film even taking a good while to really get going when it really should have been all about the plot from the second that the first kill of the film happens but I really admit that this film really does have some really good pacing to it tho.
So now then as this a horror film that really does mean that I have to actually talk about he actual kills that are actually featured / presented to us in this very film well then in all honesty I in all honesty personally thought / felt that the actual kills that are actually featured /presented to us in this very film was in all honesty OK at best. As there really isn't alot of creativity to this films kills which does make alot of sense as there's not really that much that you can do with sharks as the ones that are killing alot of people and with this film being a horror comedy it does make sense that the film would put alot more focus on it's comedy aspect then it's horror aspect or it would if the films comedy was any good but sadly it's not with the film not even telling any jokes whatsoever and playing everything including is rather wacky and out there premise straight with the best kill in the whole film going to Stephen and even then it's just because of the fact that out all the main hero characters his was the one that was earned and that's really it as all it is is the queen shark jumping out of the water and killing him with the only thing that lets his death down being the fact that the makers of the film use CGI blood on all of their kills instead of using practical effects and heck we don't even get to see what his body looks like after the shark attacked him with the same thing being true for all of the other victims in this film as that's just how bland of a horror film that this film really is alot of the time as the film doesn't anything funny or even scary which makes it be a bad horror comedy as the film doesn't bother to tell any jokes as even the films premise would have made for a good running joke as it's just there wacky and out there that if the film leaned into to how stupid it's premise is it would have made the film more entertaining and the films kills are just bland kills in my freaking opinions anyways / at least.
Overall if you ever come across this film anywhere be it online or in shops avoid it at all costs and watch something better as there's no value in watching a film that's not even so bad it's good as this film that's just straight up bad , bland and more importantly boring in my freaking opinions anyways / at least. Now then i've talked about all of the good and as well as all of the bad things that are in this very film in this very review and as such that really does mean that this very film really does earn itself a grand old score of exactly a 0 out of 10 from me.
Now then as for where I personally got all of the images that I personally used in this very review well then boys and girls and as well as ladies and gentlemen I personally got all of the images that I personally used in this very review from Tenor . IMP Awards . Com and Google Images. With my personally preferred website to use to get images from this film being Google Images simply because Google Images actually has images from this film really are up and on Google Images and plus pretty much much all of the images that I personally found on Google Images were all really very fairly high quality and as well as being as really very fairly high definition as well and so then horror fans we end this review as we always do with really our one and true goddess Elvira wishing us all some really very unpleasant dreams.
No comments:
Post a Comment